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Netflix second cousins

Those thieving mfs using the spare Netflix profile you generously let a friend use.

Netflix second cousins are born when a friend, sibling, or ex shares the password to your Netflix account with their own friends, causing chain immigration into your hard-earned account. They burrow in the profile you don't use and suck the blood out of every last episode of Riverdale or, if they're your actual cousins, Rick & Morty. Netflix second cousins are the reason respectable people get ads targeted to people who still watch Family Guy.

Grateful Netflix second cousins will sometimes refer to the account owner as Auntie/Uncle Netflix. They are $10 richer than him or her.
1: "Why are GI Joe and Adventure Time suggested on your Guest account?"
2: "No doubt something to do with my Netflix second cousins and the phrase 'I'm sure he wont mind.'"
by daltonjfk November 6, 2019
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Mr. Steal Yo Meal

The friend or flatmate whose glistening fingers are always in your food.

Mr. Steal Yo Meal keeps very little in his own refrigerator. Eyewitness reports typically mention fuzzy half-eaten salads from Sweetgreen, cold lasagna, and the last slice in the packet of cold cuts. Though he is never seen preparing his own food, Mr. Steal Yo Meal is never hungry because in under a second, his arachnid-like digits can pilfer half a portion of fries and a pan full of pasta you were going to eat later.
1. "Your Honor, the defendant was caught smacking his lips despite having not cooked any dinner for himself. The defense rests."
2. "The Judge finds Mr. Steal Yo Meal guilty of Grand Theft Nuggets and sentences him to a trip to the grocery store on his own damn card."
by daltonjfk November 6, 2019
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Burger & Cries

The fatty, tasty Seamless/Deliveroo meal you get for free, but only because you have to stay at the office past midnight and can expense it.

New analysts learn to salt their onion rings with their own tears and draw faces on their burger buns to pretend they still have friends. After several hours of weeping over ketchup and Excel spreadsheets, the eater of a burger & cries will often send a “u up” text to the delivery driver.
Those muffled sounds you hear of crackling pickles, crumpling paper bags, and deep, despairing sobs are the analysts in the back digging into their nightly Burger & Cries
by daltonjfk November 27, 2019
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Snoop Fogg

The thick smoke that collects in a room full of stoners.
Harry: “Where’s James?”
Jon: “Coughing on the other side of that Snoop Fogg.”
by daltonjfk September 16, 2019
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Couch pizza

Rogue slices of pizza discovered in the cracks of a couch after a long night of drinking and/or smoking the devil’s cabbage.

Often consumed, though always in secret.
After her third slice of couch pizza, Maria realised those little pepperoni were actually pennies.”
by daltonjfk September 16, 2019
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Bubble bath wrath

Rage experienced particularly by female service-industry workers. Bubble bath wrath is brought on by long days of serving rude customers and prompts the victim to exclaim her need for a bubble bath as soon as she returns home.
After another 11-hour shift at the AT&T booth in the mall, Ashleigh stormed back to her apartment in a fit of bubble bath wrath before eventually calming down in a soapy tub of Himalayan Salts.
by daltonjfk September 17, 2019
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Wonktact

A weed contact. The guy in your phone who gets you wonky.
1: “yo how we gonna get Lucifer’s Lettuce in St Louis?”
2: “dw bro I got a wonktact there”
by daltonjfk September 21, 2019
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