Stivchik's definitions

mouth gout

That slightly sour, uncomfortable feeling in the bottom corners of your mouth after you‘ve gorged on things like salami, olives, red wine and cheeses and your gums aren’t used to being bombarded with so many rich, salty flavours - so it takes a while for the funny tingling in your jaw to go away.

Hey, why are you pulling those funny faces, what’s the matter with you?

Oh man, I hit the canopes in the other room hard when I got here, I was starving. Delicious - but now I’ve got the mouth gout.

by Stivchik December 6, 2018

Instagramoeba

A single-celled organism which communicates with the outside world almost exclusively using Instagram to seek attention from strangers by posting heavily colour-corrected pictures of itself and it’s mundane, unfulfilled existence.

Instagramoebas mostly find it difficult to communicate under any other social conditions and seem to spend roughly 50% of their time staring into their phone.

- I can’t figure out if Anna was being rude or she’s just shy but she always seems more interested in her phone than talking to anyone for more than about 30 seconds.

- She’s turning into a bit of an Instagramoeba, it’s true.

by Stivchik October 17, 2018

twatwrapper

Any kind of bandana or scarf which doesn’t fit with the wearer’s personality and has been added to make himself look more artist / enigmatic / mysterious /esoteric / spiritual (pick one... or more).

Wearing a twatwrapper is of course understandable for a teenager still exploring their identity but for someone deep into their 20s or older, can be excruciating on the eye and nerves.

“Who’s the guy in the twatwrapper?”
“Oh, that’s Dominic. Don’t mind him, this week he’s some sort of little dark poet - next week he’ll be someone else.”

by Stivchik November 3, 2018

pizza cloud

Pizza Cloud

The place that you go after you bite into your first slice of pizza - after a hard day or a hard week - and for a moment, you can’t really hear, see or feel anything around you.

- So what do you want to watch tonight?
Hello…?

He-lo…?

Anyone there…?

Diana?

- Oh, sorry I didn’t hear a word you were saying. I was on my Pizza Cloud.

by Stivchik November 4, 2018

Genghis

(verb) to sows your wild oats; engage in promiscuity and rebelliousness, have many sexual relationships.

Man, it’s a shame Jim is getting serious with Zarina. With that white Mercedez of his, me and him would have absolutely Genghis’d this town.

by Stivchik June 6, 2018

brace position

The position assumed by passengers of an aircraft in danger of an imminent collision or emergency landing as announced over the cabin’s public announcement system - occasionally adopted during a particularly disquieting visit to the toilet to dispatch a no.2 when someone is required to bow their head and grip something nearby or put one or both hands up against the wall.

Oh man, that curry really carved my guts up, last night. I had to assume the brace position just now.

by Stivchik June 9, 2018

angle dangled

When you meet a girl for a date and she’s way better looking on all her online photos than she is in real life.

It means she knows her angles, she's dangled her angles and you’ve been ANGLE DANGLED.

- How did your date go, yesterday? You seemed excited.
- The difference between her profile pictures I'd been looking over and how she is in the flesh is really big. It doesn’t seem fair.

- Aha! You’ve been angle dangled, dude.

by Stivchik June 21, 2019