Einstein's theory, upgraded to five dimensions, proposing that motion through space, time, and probability are all relative to the observer's frame of reference. Just as time dilation occurs near massive objects, probability dilation occurs near significant events—the closer you are to a life-changing decision, the more the probability branches stretch and warp. This explains why the five minutes before a job interview feels like five hours (probability is dilated by the importance of the outcome), and why vacations seem to end faster than they began (probability contracts when you're having fun). The theory's most famous equation, E = mc² + P, adds probability mass to the energy-matter equivalence, suggesting that highly probable events have more "weight" in the universe than improbable ones.
*Example: "Waiting for biopsy results, he experienced spacetime-probability relativity firsthand. Three days felt like three years, each moment dilated by the gravity of the outcome. When the results came back negative, time suddenly contracted, and he realized he'd aged a decade in 72 hours. The universe, he concluded, has a sick sense of humor."*
by Abzugal February 14, 2026
Get the Spacetime-Probability Relativity mug.