retrograding the cakehole
(verb)
1.
To speak with such catastrophic stupidity, cosmic-level nonsense, or aggressively misplaced confidence that it feels like your mouth is reversing through time, undoing human evolution one syllable at a time.
2.
When someone talks so much garbage that reality glitches, Mercury goes into retrograde out of self-defense, and the universe files a noise complaint.
3.
A linguistic war crime performed using the mouth (aka the “cakehole”), typically accompanied by unwarranted opinions, loud wrongness, or the refusal to shut the fuck up.
(verb)
1.
To speak with such catastrophic stupidity, cosmic-level nonsense, or aggressively misplaced confidence that it feels like your mouth is reversing through time, undoing human evolution one syllable at a time.
2.
When someone talks so much garbage that reality glitches, Mercury goes into retrograde out of self-defense, and the universe files a noise complaint.
3.
A linguistic war crime performed using the mouth (aka the “cakehole”), typically accompanied by unwarranted opinions, loud wrongness, or the refusal to shut the fuck up.
A: “Bro I think dinosaurs died because they smoked too much volcano.”
B: “Please stop retrograding the cakehole before I lose brain cells.”
Boss: “Where’s that report I didn’t ask for?”
Me: “Love, you’re retrograding the cakehole again. Try thinking.”
Mom: “Why is your cousin’s WhatsApp status important for your career?”
You: “Ma… MA… you’re retrograding the cakehole.”
(Say this only if you want to die instantly.)
B: “Please stop retrograding the cakehole before I lose brain cells.”
Boss: “Where’s that report I didn’t ask for?”
Me: “Love, you’re retrograding the cakehole again. Try thinking.”
Mom: “Why is your cousin’s WhatsApp status important for your career?”
You: “Ma… MA… you’re retrograding the cakehole.”
(Say this only if you want to die instantly.)
by godofbread November 19, 2025
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