Jesus Bitch

1. A girl who is in love with Jesus to an extreme to where she is really fucking annoying. 2. A girl who constantly attends church, but is a total slut. 3. A girl that knows more about dick and Jersey Shore than she does about her own religion. 4. A girl who's idea of God is about as empty and shallow as her vagina.

I'm going to punch that Jesus Bitch in the face if she doesn't shut up!" "Go hump a bible like your man-whore, Jesus Bitch!" "I bet the Jesus Bitch would suck cock for the offering."

by churchpeopleareannoying April 25, 2011

jesus year

The 33rd year of your life where you are reborn in some sense. Perhaps a mid-life crisis, perhaps an ego death, perhaps the year where you abandon old ways and start new .... or perhaps you were affixed to a cross and came out the other side a spiritual figure that historians, theologians, worshipers and dissenters make the subject of many a conversation.

"When I turned 33 I quit my job, went broke, then changed my diet, started rebuilding my credit and followed my passion. Yep, that was definitely my Jesus year."

by trickynek August 6, 2014

Segway Jesus

Person with Jesus like qualities (long hair, sandals, beard) who floats around from place to place on a segway, no matter how close or far away the destination may be. Typically embraces their own resemblance to Jesus.

Hey, check it out. It's a segway Jesus on his way to the mail center.

by Segway Jesus Observer March 20, 2009

Jesus bar

The handle found directly above the seats of most motor vehicles. May or may not be retractable. It's primary use is to be gripped as the passenger prays, swears, or screams.

He grabbed the Jesus bar as she took the car on two wheels.

by schizoartist October 26, 2004

Jesus Murphy

Canadian Jesus Christ. Meant to be said as an expletive.

What time is it? Jesus Murphy, I’m late!

Sue screams Jesus Murphy after she see’s a spider. She’s a total arachnophobe.

I like saying Jesus Murphy instead of using the lords name in vain.

by Kaizo64 September 1, 2018

Jesus Driver

A person who drives like a asshole, with a religious radio station sticker or logo on the car.

That Jesus driver just cut me off.

by vwsurf August 15, 2009

Raptor Jesus

Raptor Jesus appeared before me, and he said: "Take heed my son, for there shall be many who doubt me, but whosoever believeth in me shall have everlasting life." I wept with joy at the gift bestowed, "Yet, my lord, what fate shall be given to the unworthy?" He answered: "Their entrails shall be rent from their stomachs, their limbs ripped from their torso, to feast our hungry bodies, and restore our souls. Whensoever you feast upon the heart of thine enemy, think of me." For that is the beauty of Raptor Jesus.

One day, Raptor Jesus walked a busy street with his disciple, Anonymous. Anonymous and his like-named brethren populated the land on which they strolled, as common as blades of grass. They walked, discussing many things, but, Anonymous paused for a moment. “Lord?” he spoke, “Is not this idle talk frowned upon by your father?” And quoth Raptor Jesus; “All voice communicates knowledge. Knowledge is hardly frowned upon by anyone, and thus your ‘idle talk’ does not exist, unless you speak of memes. Memes are idle, as they are merely communication of things all know of” And thus our Lord beckoned to a painting of an insanely smiling man. “However, memes can bring laughter and happiness, thus, one can surmise that He enjoys them, and hardly frowns upon them” And Anonymous looked ahead, silent.

by Anon Divad January 2, 2008