Cactus Surprise

When you're banging your bitch and when she just about to climax you pull out and yell "I'M GOING TO PUT A CACTUS IN YOUR VAGINA" and then proceed to put a banana up there instead. The surprise is that there's no cactus, there's banana.

Guy: *pulls out, prepares for a Cactus Surprise* "I'M GOING TO PUT A CACTUS IN YOUR VAGINA"
Girl: *screams*
Guy: *puts banana in her instead*
Girl: *screams, but not from pain*

by Rhukebab January 26, 2016

dehydrated cactus

When you haven't gotten laid in a long ass time because you're a prick.

Look over there that dudebro is a dehydrated cactus.

by DickSlaya69 March 4, 2016

pokey cactus

The act of a man covering his penis in glue, getting sand all over it, and having anal sex with his partner.

Since we're on the beach with a bottle of glue, how about I give you a pokey cactus?

by Bshshdbs March 10, 2016

cactus fetus

1. An insult referring to a stubborn person who will not be moved in their opinion.

2. Seed of a cactus.

1. Dylan is such a cactus fetus.

2. Kennedy and McKenzie decided to but some cactus fetus.

by Kittune, Lord of Chickens April 14, 2016

Cactus

when a man gets an erection whilst wearing tight pants. The penis then pulls on the pubes, giving a prickly feeling

person 1: ouch I'm getting a cactus
person 2: oo I hate when that happens

by FunnyGuy69420 November 14, 2019

Douche cactus

A douche bag that causes immense pain.

Don't be such a douche cactus.

by Chute1885 April 10, 2019

Cactus

Synonym for prick

James was such a cactus last night
Aren't you right

by The Aussie Fucker December 3, 2019