Venezuela

place. Former pristine tropical paradise discovered and turned into an idyllic Eden by land-hungry wandering tribes after the last ice age, then turned into a horrible slave state by gold-hungry europeans, turned into a corrupt failing state by power-hungry marxists, and recently acquired so as to be turned into the 51st state by oil-hungry despots. Also a source of copra, robust copra miners, chicle, edentulous chicle chewers, mediocre center backs, middling relief pitchers and patulous cloacae. Venezuela, ranked a dismal 147th by the IIHF and a solid 12th by Amnesty International before their forced takeover, after a brief war incongruously began by a nation led by a recent Peace Prize recipient, is proudly confident that their return to enslavement will be rewarded by higher rankings from both organizations.

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I’ve been up all night working on it and a 51st star for Venezuela won’t fit evenly on Old Glory. I can do 52 easily though. So do we steal Canada’s water while rescuing the servile drones from their communist leaders or do we save those whale-gobbling Greenlanders from a manufactured walrus invasion?

Greenland sir. You and Elon could make billions manufacturing us some very life-like walruses.

by gnostic3 January 6, 2026