Critical Cognitive Sciences Theory

The study of how the human brain, that three-pound blob of fatty tissue, is fundamentally bad at being objective. It posits that our thoughts aren't pure, logical computations, but are instead a swampy, murky bog of cognitive biases, inherited prejudices, and heuristics desperately trying to pass themselves off as rational thought. It's the science of proving that your brain is lying to you—constantly—about everything from your own abilities to the intentions of others. It's the humbling realization that "I think, therefore I am" should probably be amended to "I think I'm being rational, but I'm actually just confirming my own biases."

Example: "He was absolutely certain his memory of the event was perfect, a high-definition recording. His friend, a student of critical cognitive sciences theory, just smiled, knowing that memory is more like a bad artist's sketch, redrawn and reinterpreted every time it's pulled from the dusty filing cabinet of the mind."

by Dumu The Void February 14, 2026

Spacetime-Probability Theory

The revolutionary theoretical framework proposing that the universe operates not in four dimensions but in five, with the fifth being the dimension of probability. This theory suggests that every possible outcome of every event doesn't just "might happen"—it actually exists as a real coordinate in a hyperdimensional landscape. Your decision to have tea instead of coffee? That's not a choice you made; it's a position you occupy in probability-space. Your parallel self who had coffee is just a few probability-units away, living their caffeinated life, blissfully unaware of your decaf existence. The theory elegantly explains why you always pick the slowest checkout line: you're simply occupying the probability branch where that happens, while a more fortunate version of you is already in the parking lot, smug and satisfied.

Example: "He tried to explain spacetime-probability theory to his girlfriend after she asked why he was late. 'In the dimension where I left on time, I'm already here,' he said. 'But in this dimension, traffic was bad. I'm not late; I'm just occupying a different probability coordinate.' She said she occupied a coordinate where he was sleeping on the couch, and the theory held up remarkably well."

by Abzugal February 14, 2026

N-Dimensional Theory

The overarching mathematical framework proposing that reality operates in N dimensions, where N is any number you want it to be, and your inability to visualize them is a personal failing, not a limitation of the theory. This elegant framework unifies everything from string theory's 11 dimensions to your conspiracy-theorist uncle's claim that the government is hiding 47 dimensions from the public. N-dimensional theory suggests that all physical laws are just shadows cast by higher-dimensional structures onto our 3D brains. The mathematics are beautiful, the implications are profound, and the number of people who actually understand them is approximately N, where N is a very small integer, possibly zero.

Example: "He tried to explain N-dimensional theory to his date, starting with 'imagine a line, then a square, then a cube, then—' She stopped him at 'then' and asked what he did for a living. He said 'theoretical physicist.' She said 'oh, so you make things up for a living.' He couldn't argue, because in some dimensions, that's exactly what he did."

by Dumu The Void February 14, 2026

Theory of Secret Logic

The belief that there is a hidden, coherent logic behind seemingly irrational systems, events, or behaviors, and that understanding this secret logic would reveal that everything actually makes sense—just not in the way obvious to casual observers. Proponents of the theory of secret logic argue that conspiracy theorists aren't wrong; they're just using a different logical framework, one that connects dots that mainstream logic refuses to see. The theory is popular among people who find the universe too chaotic to bear and need to believe that behind the randomness, there's a pattern—even if that pattern is malevolent, absurd, or designed by aliens who really care about our crop circles.

Example: "He subscribed to the theory of secret logic, believing that every government action, no matter how incompetent, was part of a master plan. When a bridge collapsed due to neglected maintenance, he saw not incompetence but a deliberate plot to justify infrastructure spending. The secret logic was always more interesting than the boring truth, and also completely made up."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026

Theory of Secret Reality

The metaphysical proposition that the world we perceive is not the real world—that there's a hidden reality beneath or behind the surface, accessible only to those who know how to look. This theory underpins everything from Plato's cave to Matrix movies to your cousin's belief that lizard people run the government. The theory of secret reality is comforting because it explains why the world seems so messed up: it's not that things are chaotic and meaningless; it's that there's a hidden order, a secret truth, a reality behind reality. The downside is that once you start believing in secret reality, every mundane event becomes suspicious, and you can never just enjoy a sunset without wondering if it's a hologram.

Example: "After watching three documentaries, he became a believer in the theory of secret reality. The moon landing was fake, the earth was flat, and birds weren't real—they were government drones. His friends asked about the birds they saw at the park. He said those were the realistic ones. The secret reality was exhausting, but at least it was interesting."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026

Theory of Global Precarization

The socioeconomic theory describing the deliberate, systemic creation of economic insecurity as a tool of social control and profit maximization. According to this theory, the instability of modern work—gig economy jobs, zero-hour contracts, constant fear of layoffs—isn't an accident of market forces but a feature of late capitalism designed to keep workers desperate, compliant, and unable to organize. When everyone's one missed paycheck away from disaster, no one strikes, no one demands better conditions, and no one threatens the system. The theory of global precarization explains why stability has become a luxury good and why your parents' promise of "work hard and you'll be secure" now sounds like a fairy tale.

Example: "He explained the theory of global precarization to his friend who wondered why millennials couldn't just 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps.' 'It's not that we're lazy,' he said. 'It's that the system is designed to keep us insecure—no stable jobs, no pensions, no safety net. We're supposed to be too scared to demand better. It's working.' His friend went back to his two gig jobs and hoped the theory was wrong. It wasn't."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026

Theory of Global Financialization

The theory that the global economy has shifted from producing things to trading claims on things, with finance becoming not just a sector of the economy but its dominant logic. Under financialization, companies exist less to make products and more to generate shareholder value; housing becomes an investment vehicle rather than a place to live; and every aspect of life—education, health care, even relationships—gets turned into something that can be bought, sold, and securitized. The theory of global financialization explains why your rent keeps rising even though your wages don't, why your student loans are owned by three different investment firms, and why it feels like everything is a transaction now. Because it is.

Example: "She learned about the theory of global financialization and suddenly understood why her hospital bill was incomprehensible, why her landlord was a corporation she'd never meet, and why her retirement savings were invested in companies that were actively making the world worse. Everything was finance now. Nothing was just itself anymore. She felt very small and very angry."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026