Critical Cognitive Sciences Theory

The study of how the human brain, that three-pound blob of fatty tissue, is fundamentally bad at being objective. It posits that our thoughts aren't pure, logical computations, but are instead a swampy, murky bog of cognitive biases, inherited prejudices, and heuristics desperately trying to pass themselves off as rational thought. It's the science of proving that your brain is lying to you—constantly—about everything from your own abilities to the intentions of others. It's the humbling realization that "I think, therefore I am" should probably be amended to "I think I'm being rational, but I'm actually just confirming my own biases."

Example: "He was absolutely certain his memory of the event was perfect, a high-definition recording. His friend, a student of critical cognitive sciences theory, just smiled, knowing that memory is more like a bad artist's sketch, redrawn and reinterpreted every time it's pulled from the dusty filing cabinet of the mind."

by Dumu The Void February 14, 2026

Spacetime-Probability Theory

The revolutionary theoretical framework proposing that the universe operates not in four dimensions but in five, with the fifth being the dimension of probability. This theory suggests that every possible outcome of every event doesn't just "might happen"—it actually exists as a real coordinate in a hyperdimensional landscape. Your decision to have tea instead of coffee? That's not a choice you made; it's a position you occupy in probability-space. Your parallel self who had coffee is just a few probability-units away, living their caffeinated life, blissfully unaware of your decaf existence. The theory elegantly explains why you always pick the slowest checkout line: you're simply occupying the probability branch where that happens, while a more fortunate version of you is already in the parking lot, smug and satisfied.

Example: "He tried to explain spacetime-probability theory to his girlfriend after she asked why he was late. 'In the dimension where I left on time, I'm already here,' he said. 'But in this dimension, traffic was bad. I'm not late; I'm just occupying a different probability coordinate.' She said she occupied a coordinate where he was sleeping on the couch, and the theory held up remarkably well."

by Abzugal February 14, 2026

N-Dimensional Theory

The overarching mathematical framework proposing that reality operates in N dimensions, where N is any number you want it to be, and your inability to visualize them is a personal failing, not a limitation of the theory. This elegant framework unifies everything from string theory's 11 dimensions to your conspiracy-theorist uncle's claim that the government is hiding 47 dimensions from the public. N-dimensional theory suggests that all physical laws are just shadows cast by higher-dimensional structures onto our 3D brains. The mathematics are beautiful, the implications are profound, and the number of people who actually understand them is approximately N, where N is a very small integer, possibly zero.

Example: "He tried to explain N-dimensional theory to his date, starting with 'imagine a line, then a square, then a cube, then—' She stopped him at 'then' and asked what he did for a living. He said 'theoretical physicist.' She said 'oh, so you make things up for a living.' He couldn't argue, because in some dimensions, that's exactly what he did."

by Dumu The Void February 14, 2026