Petrified Wood

a.k.a. erectile dysfunction. When a chub is too frightened (petrified) to cum out.

Vajona Jackson was ready for a hot night of boner-rockin' but her man's unit was too scared to go into the dark. Therefore, his petrified wood "layed" low, unable to rise and shine.

by vajona jackson-hewitt August 22, 2011

plain wood

When you're girlfriend gives you head, without any flavor or lotion. Flavor, basically. Like you know all those sex shops give you flavors an stuff. Like your girlfriend said last week. It's gross without strawberry.

I gave my boyfriend plain wood, but then I was like, this shit tastes gross!

by Dr.Claw! July 7, 2017

Tiger Woods

Verb- to take 5 months off of golf after your life falls apart because your wife and everyone in the world found out you got major pussy then shoot best round of golf in your career at the hardest course, because your beast!! Tiger is fucking awesome i hope he ins the Masters.

Guy1"what happened to your face?"
Guy2"My wife beat the shit out of me after she discovered my affairs"
Guy1"then why are you so happy"
Guy2"Cuz i just shoot 4 under par at the motherfuckin Masters and got two eagles, too!"
Guy1"Wow you sure tiger woodsed the hell out of that course."

by chicago's greatest April 9, 2010

wood pecker

Someone who gives head alot

as a hobby, not even for money!

by Dukie May 17, 2005

knock on wood

a term used by gangbangers eaning to get evil spirits away ...a superstition

OO SHIT Angel's back knock on wood

by SHAWTY March 13, 2005

wood wang

another name for a wood pecker(which is a bird who pecks the bark of trees)
or a horny dick

"omg do you hear the woodwang in the tree??"

"Look corey has a wood wang haha!!"

by KKT October 8, 2005

Mourning Wood

It's akin to the more widespread 'morning wood', but instead of being a function of a typical male, it is instead a daily reminder to necrophiliacs. It does involve an erection upon regaining consciousness, but instead of being caused by lustful porn stars, it's caused by sadness that your lover last night is now six feet under, and you are depressed, but more so you are excited at the thought of having them once. Hence the title 'mourning wood'

Doug: Hey man, that party we had at the cemetery last night was a blast.

Mike: Yeah, i found a 40-something blond amongst the oldies. I definitely had some mourning wood when i woke up.

by katzdogma July 22, 2007