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Chang Tan's definitions

mainstream

A term used to describe when a "underground" genre of musical expression has been fully embraced by the public media through aggressive advertising (aka MTV). Following this phase, the style begins to rapidly plummet in popularity while the ravenous leeches and posers choose to find a new fad to gnaw upon.

During the "Golden Years" of a mainstream topic, the genre recieves praise in record numbers, often represented by record numbers of identity-free morons with nothing to make themselves "stand out". It gains brief immortality during this phase, with not enough love, and not enough hate to dislodge it.

Only when the "haters" prevail in larger numbers in proportion to fans will the death sentence of a genre be finalized.
Rap music still hasn't died because for a decade, it has worked secretly to poison the urban population with wife-beating lyrics and brain-damaging rhythmes, making a permanantly imprint on the inner-city folk.

Very devilish plan indeed...
by Chang Tan May 16, 2005
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the sims

Awful computer game, where you serve as a god/deity that invokes your will on people too stupid to know when to take a shit, walk to the mailbox, and wake up in time for work.

The adults appear to have a mental illness, and a poor attention span, as they cannot stop chatting about soccer, airplanes, mountains, money, and the local burglar without crying a river, run back into their house, pee over the carpet, and still welcome their guests in to their kitchen, where a thriving colony of roaches and ants are having a squaredance in tile:#3457.

Sometimes the children are smarter and more active than their parents, keeping their fun, comfort, and social levels up, while somehow attaining a genetic trait that grants them immortality. However, if they ever miss a single bus when the time arrives, a humvee arrives to take them to military school.

Often its funnier to make the lives of your "victims" as agonizing as possible, rather than making them successful and prominent members of Simian society.
I built a two story blood-speckled castle for the Weyland family, a tribe of demons visiting Sim-Estates to harvest fresh souls for the summoning of Cthulu. Already in the first 24 hours I had killed 80 Simian men.

Ah the joys of The Sims!
by Chang Tan June 4, 2005
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open header

To have your car's engine run with the exhaust manifold bare, rendering it obnoxiously loud, according to rice boy standards.

Your general stock cars are by itself equipped with these items, that guide, muffle, and clean exhaust gases, as well as reduce performance by increasing backpressure:

Exhaust Manifold - A sturdy structure that covers the exit paths after your exhaust gases has left when the exhaust valve opens. It purpose is to collect exhaust gases so it can be either pumped with air to burn undercombusted hydrocarbons (provides no power, but better smog tests) via air injection, or further send down the tailpipe, where further methods are undertaken to quiet and clean the expanding exhaust gases.

Tailpipe - Narrow metal tube, that not only directs the exhaust gases to the back of the car (or to the sides), but because of its small diameter, slows the flow of gases, quieting the motor significantly (an a explosion for example is basically a loud expansion of gases). Slant eyed rice enthusiasts would take the hint, and install gigantic fart cans to their tailpipes to turn their tranquil hum of their civics into a vomit-inducing whine. Like they even need it anyways.

Muffler - As it's name states, it further "muffles" the sound of the still rapidly traveling exhaust gases by forcing it through a series of small intricate pipes.

Catalytic Converters - Helps burn excess uncombusted hydrocarbons that have unfortunately had not be burned up after introducing air into the exhaust manifolds (temperature still hot enough to ignite raw fuel), via air injectors operated by a air pump. Also, it helps get rid of Oxides of Nitrogen (Unuseable, unlike Nitrous Oxide), and changes carbon monoxide into less lethal, carbon dioxide. Catalytic converters reduce performance and sound just as much as mufflers, though if overworked (if your car has rich-fuel problems), it would glow and strain, melting the honeycomb like structures inside, further clogging the path in which exhaust can escape.

A obstructed path for exhaust gases to escape is very bad for engine performance, if nearly completed plugged, exhaust gases have nowhere to go but back into the combustion chamber, causing the motor to run terribly, or stall.

The idea of running your car, preferably a hot rod open header, is to increase performance, lessen the strain on the engine, make it sound louder and more macho, as well as to impress your friends.

Unless your attending a open header contest with other like gearheads, removing any of the above components is ILLEGAL as stated by the DMV. But at least this definition gives you something about exhaust and performance.
"Bling a Ding Chong" thought that by sawing off his catalytic converter on his slick green rice rocket, he can beat Mary Anne on her pink 72 Chevelle. But instead, he serves jailtime with fellow burly prison rapist Tyrone Smith after flipping off a police officer.
by Chang Tan July 28, 2005
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banana

Asian guy who hates his own race, his family, his culture, and especially himself.

He yearns for surgical treatments to change his eyelid shape, and uses dyes to change his skin and hair coloration. Blue eyed pupils and natural blond hair are widely desired, but futile in effort (Dr Mengele experimented with changing pupil coloration by injecting ink with fatal results).

His greatest dream is complete genetic modifcation, cleansing himself of his hereditary curse so that he may produce more children embracing wonderous western customs.

Note that the banana (preferred over the less macho Twinkie), would never touch or own anything Asian. For it he had control of his well-earned money (his family would often shake every cent out of him before he can spend it), he would buy domestic products: American made Hummer H1, Ford/Dodge/Chevy trucks (preferably Cummins/Duramax Diesel engine), and order rectangular pizza over the phone, with the sauces and toppings arranged in a way that it resembles the American flag.
Chang Tan - Western enthusiast, and a figure of anti-Asian traditions.
by Chang Tan July 28, 2005
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teletubbies

Baby gorillas, whom, because of their small and morbidly obese build, became perfect subjects for a top secret experiment dubbed, "teletubbies".

Kidnapped from their native habitat, they were strapped down hooting and screaming onto operation tables. Their stomachs were removed and replaced with a crude malfunctioning television set, which recieved its signals from a implanted attenna on the top of its head. Because the attenna's reciever must be outside of the body, a hole is drilled through the baby gorilla's brain, making a pathway to stick the electrical equipment through. Unfortunately, this only resulted in having the entire cast of teletubbies having the combined intelligence of tupperware.

To feed the disillusioned apes, a special diet consisting of purified ethanol (tubby toast), and lead paint oatmeal (tubby custard) to keep the seditious thoughts of the infants surpressed. A fake sun watches over them with a ensuringly peaceful baby's face on it to keep the tubbies close to their safety dome. When a tubby escapes, the sun makes a blood-curdling cry, calling upon the dome janitor, a robot vacuum cleaner named "snoo snoo" to hunt down and kill the escapee by devouring it with it's mighty vacuum, grinding the hapless tubby and using it's remains as fertilizer for the vast lush gardens surrounding the dome.

Occasionally when the time is just right, the tubbies may be able to recieve radio waves with their broken attennas, allowing them to eavesdrop on their human overseers, yet baffled by the simplest tasks we can do, such as showering or cooking an egg.
"Once upon a time in teletubby land, teletubbies... come to play!"
by Chang Tan September 1, 2004
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diablo 2

Life draining computer game, players who play it often found themselves devoid of a life, girlfriend, or any other monument of their terrible social abilities.

Gamers ditches school just to spend hours searching of the Ultra Nuklear Oculous of Unanimous Kickass (+2 Skills +3x Immunity to Cold +2000 Magic Damage +Guaranteed Drop of Uniques), rumored to be hidden in a dung sample dropped from Baal's swollen sphinchter.
Diablo 2 Gamer: "OMGz! I just found myself a bitchin' 75x FCR Sorc Ring with 800% Magic Find! God I'm so fucking tired...."

Straight-Thinking Kid: "Neat, I got laid twelve times today. Cool huh? My schlong hurts bad though"

Diablo 2 Gamer: "Haha! You faggot, you got a small dick. Gayass"

Diablo 2 Gamers spasms violently on the floor, blood pouring out of his eyes, then dies from a seizure.
by Chang Tan March 13, 2005
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cowboy

A self-capable farmboy/rancher.

Also may be interpreted as a sleazy barfly of the Old West who frequents taverns, wears cowhide knee-guards, spits chewed tobacco, and believes that a pistol-duel is a excellent problem solver.
Cowboy #1: "Gimme a chaw 'O tobacky will ya?"

Cowboy #2 (technically a "cow girl"): "Naw, you didn't pay me back the chaw I gave you before"

Cowboy #1: "Shutup and gimme the damn chaw woman!"

Cowboy #3: "Don't talk to my wimmin like that!"

Cowboy #3 hurls a fist at Cowboy #1, Cowboy #1 parries the attack easily, and throws another one but misses.

Cowboy #2 stands up from her chair, and lodges both of her fists into the brawler's chins.

Cowboy #2: "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaah!"

Cowboy #1 takes a half-full beer glass and breaks it on the head of Cowboy #3, knocking him unconcious before proceeding to pin Cowboy #2 to the ground and lifting her skirt up.
by Chang Tan December 19, 2004
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