Bottom Ford's definitions

Jello suicide

When you are trying to eat Jello in an impaired state and it jumps to its death somewhere below the dish.

“Did any of that Jello get into your mouth?”

“No, it was a Jello suicide.”

by Bottom Ford April 3, 2010

Driving While Gray

A rude and age-ist accusation made by young drivers against older drivers whose speed does not exceed the legal limit.

“Grandma Death’s doing five miles an hour. Oh wait, six now.”
“Clearly a case of driving while gray.”

by Bottom Ford April 6, 2010

mattress worship

Refers to the decision to stay in bed when you are too tired to get up and go to church.

“Bottom doesn’t go to church; he prefers mattress worship.”

by Bottom Ford April 18, 2010

stealth walker

A shopping cart being pushed by someone in an impaired state who wishes to give the appearance of a thoughtful, considerate spouse.

“You push the stealth walker, honey. It will help you keep your balance while I load the groceries.”
“Thank you, my love. I feel like I’m going to fall over any minute.”

by Bottom Ford April 18, 2010

grabity

A natural force that causes one creature to grab or grope another.

Overcome by the force of grabity, Bottom sank his claws into the bunny’s flesh.

“I would not,” he explained to the bunny, “invade your personal space in this way, were it not for the force of grabity.”

by Bottom Ford April 19, 2010

reef rash

Abrasion caused by contact with rocks/reef in a surfing accident.

"Dig Bottom's reef rash. He wiped out bad."

by Bottom Ford September 18, 2009

hurled

“Hurled” is a fine substitute for any “world” prefixing something you don’t like.

That “world” music is really “hurled” music if you ask me.

by Bottom Ford March 1, 2010